No. That was my first response when my husband called to tell me my mom had been in an accident. He calmly told me that they were transporting her to the hospital to check her out.
No. Jeff’s response to my question, was Matthew with her. She was on her way to his school to pick him up when the accident happened.
No. I didn’t know what happened.
No. I didn’t know if she was going to be ok. In the span of an hour, the “she’s going to be checked out at the hospital” changed to “she’s being airlifted to Erlanger Hospital”
No. I don’t know what to do.
No. Don’t tell the high school kids yet. They’re with band getting ready for the game tonight.
No. Don’t let Matthew or Avery come to the hospital.
No. I can drive myself to the hospital, you get the kids settled.
All of those nos happened in the span of little over an hour. I was alone in my car headed to Erlanger Hospital in Chattanooga, 45 minutes from my house. I began to try and pray. I turned on worship music. I turned off worship music. I begin to try to plead with God to let my mom be ok. To let the injuries not be life altering or life ending.
Then the biggest no of all came. As my car was suddenly filled with a peace like I’ve never experienced. My first thought was…
“NO. I don’t want your peace. I don’t want to trust. I don’t want to surrender to your will.”
What a statement I made that day. I didn’t want the peace of God. The peace of God that transcends all understanding. I didn’t want it. I didn’t want it because it meant surrender to his will. And surrender meant I was no longer in control.
Peace comes from surrender. Jesus and I entered a game of Uncle that afternoon on Highway 58. Jesus won. I surrendered to his will, his way, his plan, and I left the hospital with his peace but without my mom.
Why didn’t I want God’s peace? It’s a question I’ve asked myself repeatedly over the last year. Why was I afraid of it? Why was I afraid of the one thing that could calm the storm that was raging? What was I thinking?
No. I was thinking “no” because God’s peace always shows up like that in life altering situations. I didn’t want this to be life altering. I wanted it to be an inconvenience. I wanted it to be a mistake.
What I have learned is this, no matter how much control I think I have or want to have, God has more. Whatever activities I think will bring peace, God is peace. Whatever situation I think I can outwork my way out of, God says rest.
Would I change my response that day?
No. God knew what I needed and how I needed it. He knew I would fight his peace because I wanted things to go my way. He knew I would surrender.
Maybe you’re not facing something as life-altering as the death of a parent or maybe it’s bigger, let me remind you, God always brings peace when we surrender. Surrender is the method to victory in God’s strategic plan.
“The Lord gives strength to his people, the Lord blesses his people with peace.” Psalm 29:11
Would I bring my mom back if I could?
No.
