Tag: faith

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The Luggage of Life – New Year’s 2023

“It’s been the kind of year I’d be fine if I forgot, yeah 

But I’ll never forget it as long as I live and that’s saying a lot”

Ben Rector, The Best is Yet to Come

As the second hand continues to click a breath closer to the end of 2023 and the beginning of 2024, I find myself in a familiar position. My hands with fingers curled and soft clank of light of keys beneath them. Words start to stream on a white screen as again I try to make sense of the year that was in some hopes of hope for the year that will be. 

Maybe some famed poet such as Whitman, Hemingway, or Shakesphere eloquently described how to properly measure a year. Is it with moments or minutes? Do we measure it in months or mementos that we carry with us? Either way, the truth remains, we reflect, we look back, we remember. So this leads me to asking how will 2023 be remembered?

The recording artist Ben Rector in his New Years themed song “The Best is Yet to Come” opens with the line – “It’s been the kind of year I’d be fine if I forgot.” Well Ben, me too. Not that the year was forgetful or dull, in fact most certainly the opposite. It has been filled with swells of joy and crashing heartache and sorrow. It has been marked by memories and overrun by tidal waves of hardship. It has been full of whispers of thanksgiving and full of shouting at the heavens. In the past 364 and a half days, life has been filled. It has been filled with decisions, unexpected outcomes, pleasant and heartbreaking surprises. 

And I sit on a day the sun will set and rise on a new day, a new month, and a new year. If the Lord is willing, I will rise tomorrow to begin another revolution around the sun in a year we call 2024. And I get to be the captain of the ship of decisions – what do I take with me, what do I leave behind, what do I pick up along the journey of the year ahead?

In truth, the baggage of my life is well worn. It has seen the port of previous years. Marked and scuffed from being dragged in and out of season after season, there are probably some articles in that bag that need to not go with me. Per usual, I am overpacked for the “what ifs” of life. But maybe this year, I need to leave some things in life’s Goodwill pile and not pick them back up.

As I crack open the suitcase of my concerns, I begin to dig deep in the luggage of my life. I swim through the things I carry, I finally put my hands on insecurity. Insecurity was once a high end piece of fashion that dressed my outer self to protect my inner brokenness. It is as colorful as the tail of a peacock. It is bold, vibrant, hiding all my hurts and fears. When it was new it was beautiful, flashy, and stood out. Now it is just worn, fatigued, with holes where hurts bleed through. It can no longer act as a shell of protection of the honest emotions that seep out the seams. It is time to leave it behind. 

My hands sort and sift as my heart and eyes look in the luggage of life, I find a pair of childhood shoes. Black canvas with white soles. From first glance, they appear to be classic Converse Chuck Taylor’s. Upon further inspection, there is no name brand on them. The soles are worn with holes. Shoelaces covered in the dust of childhood baseball fields. The dusty footprints left behind I would sweep away with my foot out a shame I felt for my off brand, poor kid shoes. 

My mind and heart with the shame of feeling impoverished. These shoes that are now 10 sizes too small remain in the bag of my mind perpetually reminding me that there is not enough. Shoes I walked in but a shame I feel I have walked out my whole adult life. It was a moment, momento of nearly 40 years previous. It is an echo of a moment of years past that I packed in my life’s luggage to serve as a reminder that no matter how much you get, there is never enough. 

The shoes on my feet may be marked by designer brands, be fashion forward, but that poor kid dressed with off brand Chuck’s has lived on my life’s luggage. Carried into year and after year. Reminding me I am just a poor kid and we do not have enough. 

As I set those raggedy childhood sneakers aside, the words of the apostle Paul try to find a home in my heart. His declaration of finding the secret of being content. Whether there was a lot or a little, in times of abundance, times of struggle, he and I can do all things through Christ who is our strength. In short, I have enough. The difficulty is putting aside those shoes that no longer fit, and in truth for years haven’t and walking in what God has for me in this season. It starts with laying aside the shame of the kid who thought he didn’t have enough. 

As the clock chases closer to midnight, I continue to sort through the bag of my life. Tucked in the top pocket is a handful of heartbreak. Like shattered pieces of glass from a kaleidoscope of mirrors, I hold them in my hand. Despite all the pieces, it will never be put back together. My jagged reflection staring back off the broken pieces almost speaks to me of how I have felt as if I was unworthy of being whole, that I would always have to be broken. 

Dumping out the pieces on the once shiny insecurities and the worn out shoes of shame, I watch as each piece reflects back a man who is learning he is worthy of being loved. As I lay the shattered pieces of life to the side, I remind myself that I don’t have to live broken. 

Rearranging the pieces of life and love that I will take with me into 2024, I make sure my bag is only half packed leaving room to acquire new articles of life on this circle around the sun. I am leaving room for new friends, new adventures, and new experiences. Taking with me the wisdom of years gone by that I do not have to lug around the luggage of my past. I can simply unpack them and leave them behind. 

In the distance “may old acquaintances be forgot” is being sung and I am going to kiss my wife at the strike of midnight with the luggage of life a little lighter walking into the new year.
 

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Unpopular Opinion

I am sitting here staring at the blank white space of the screen of a blog post with no words. Somehow there is comfort in the space. Somehow there is a peace in the emptiness. Our world has been filled with clutter and seemingly “unpopular opinions”. Not simply the clutter of a teenage boy’s closet who supposedly just cleaned his room. No, this clutter is out in the wide open spaces like the worst episode of Hoarders you have ever seen.

pen with hand. color from tungsten lamp

On full display is the hate, the hurt, the heartbreak, and honesty wrapped in seething words of disagreement.

If the church is a body, we are in full trauma. We have eyes that cannot see. We have ears that cannot hear. Legs that do less than limp. Hands who cannot hold the weight of the world we keep trying to pick up like a stone to throw like the religious men wanting to convict and stone the woman caught in adultery. In my eyes, Jesus is drawing in the dirt words or images I cannot see nor understand. Maybe he is just hoping his bride starts dropping stones and taking up crosses.

We have become Passover bystanders in the streets of Jerusalem watching our King suffer in the streets carrying his cross. We are either mocking, mesmerized, or minimally disengaged. Who is going to be Simon of Cyrene and step into the street and begin to pick up the cross of Christ. This is not a call to a political conversation. This is a challenge to follow Jesus. This is a challenge to be reconciled, transformed, and set free from the what bondage this world holds.

All our warring narratives on masks, closed church doors, and rights is the fragrance of puppy poop as the Apostle Paul may put it. In truth, his words are tone are much harder than mine. Some have fallen more in love with the nationality indicated on their passport than the one marked in the Lamb’s Book of Life. Some have more deeply engaged in narratives of medicine and government more than the Word of God that is intended to bring life.

Jesus was clear – give to Caesar what is Caesar’s. He did not defend him. He did not advocate for Caesar to change. He did not call for a political upheaval of his city that was being held captive under Roman oppression. Instead, in the face of culture looking for a king, he gave them a NEW COMMAND, love one another. Scroll, swipe. reflect. Have you loved? Or have you hated? Maybe a modern day translation may say “from the overflow of the heart, the mouth tweets”. Maybe you did not verbalize it, but you thought it. I am certain Jesus was revolutionizing our very existence when he says if someone has murdered with his mind he is just as guilty. If someone has lust in his heart, that person is just as guilty as the person who committed the act.

This is not an ivory tower of how great I am. It is impassioned plea for all those who are called the Bride of Christ to lean into, return to, and fully depend on the I AM. The Gospel of John gives us the final prayer of our savior crying out to his Father that his children would all be ONE. We are galaxies away from ONE. We are splintered by theological differences. We are fractured by narratives and national tensions. None of which looks like the agape we are called to live out.

Joshua in his infamous farewell address is tweet out saying “as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” It makes for wonderful Hobby Lobby art, yet in the context the leader of the people of God is forcing the hand of the people with the digging question: who will you serve? When the crowd stammers and stutters that they will also follow the Lord. Joshua delivers the knock out punch. It is time to try away the idols and gods you have carried with you from as far back as Egypt. If we as a people are going to live out this life as beautiful, bruised bride than we have to destroy the idols handed down from the ancestors of our past. Destroyed must become the very things we have set in the place of God. Nationalism, the USA, our prejudices, our misconceptions on who God is and how he works. All have been set up as idols that stand in the way of a real relationship with YHWH.

I realize this is unpopular, yet my feed seems to be filled with bold accusations of unpopular opinions. So maybe just add this one to your list. “As for me and my house” we are going to pursue love, truth, justice, hope, kindness, mercy, and grace. Most importantly, we are going to pursue the God of these characteristics.

saints

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Hobby Lobby Hope

Admittedly, our house is fairly typical of Evangelical people in the South. Half the wall hangings are from Hobby Lobby. Half of those are scripted scriptures on wooden frames. And we like them.

Yet, this faith filled artistic expression has got me thinking. How much of our biblical knowledge has been whittled down to a verse carefully crafted on wood or printed on bookmarks or cross-stitched into a pillow. Surely you seen “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” on the poster of gym deadlifting 1000 lbs. While we can find hope and help in these cultural artifacts of faith, they rarely (by rarely, I mean never) tell the whole story.

A Christian classic like John 3:16, so famous, I do not even need to type it out. Yet, how many know that it is a verse in the midst of a conversation with a religious leader named Nicodemus. Or the afore mentioned, Philippians passage about doing all things, is found in the middle of Paul revealing the secret of contentment not powerlifting. What I am advocating for is not a boycott of Hobby Lobby, which by the look of my house would be a hypocrisy to say. No, I am encouraging context in our Christian faith and our biblical reading.

Dig deep into the B side of God’s musical mixtape called the Bible. See where and why those verses say what they say. Look for who the letter was written to and why they needed to hear those words in that moment.

The danger of a lack of contextualizing scripture is in direct reflection to a progressing biblical illiteracy. Beyond, just illiteracy, is biblical ignorance. There are some who do not know that Jonah betrayed Jesus or Moses and the big fish or Noah killed Goliath. (See what I did there.) A cut, copy, paste methodology to biblical reading can lead to a false understanding the meaning of scripture. Simply said: read the Bible fully in context. Read more than the one verse. Look at the surrounding texts. I know it can be hard, daunting, and challenging. It can also be incredibly insightful when you realize the depth of what a passage has to say.

This is a presumption that you are reading scripture as a believer. If not, that is a whole ‘nother blog post. Try it. Read a whole chapter. Read a whole book of the Bible. See the whole story not just tweetable chunks. As you read with context you will find you have more than just Hobby Lobby Hope.

The day I told god no
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All His Promises

Desires

“Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭37:3-4‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Illinois starter jacket, all his promises

The early 1990’s had a flavor all their own. It was a collision course of athletic apparel and hip hop dance gear. Which made perfect sense to my 13 year old fashion sense. I had two real desires of life: 1) a pair of black Z. Cavaricci pants and 2) this slick satin University of Illinois Starter Jacket.

Z. Cavaricci and Starter became the envy of hallways of Junior High. The high waisted dance pants with the white label with black letters over the fly was a mark of status. The slick satin jacket or trendy pullover half zip was on sidelines and dugouts dawned by professional athletes. These were the treasured items of 7th grade. These two articles of clothing would elevate social status to stratosphere’s only hoped for…at least that is what I was telling my parents.

Like most teens I was in pleading mode. These were the only two items I wanted. They would count as birthday and Christmas combined, for the next three years. I was desperate. These were the desires of my heart.

That Christmas I got a jacket. It is not the one pictured. It was an off-brand of Starter. Instead of “Illinois” it simply said “Illini”. Instead of slick satin. It was a matte blue. The sleeve lacked the signature “S”. For three glorious weeks, I wore it proud.

One afternoon as I went to my wrestling meet (yes, I wrestled. We will save that story for another time) that wonderful imposter of a Starter jacket was stolen. I was crushed, devastated, embarrassed, angry, and a hundred other emotions all at the same time.

Envy is a funny emotion. Envy is what lead me to desire the jacket in the first place. Envy is jealousy uglier sister. Jealousy says “I want what you have.” Envy claims “If I cannot have it, I do not want you to have it either.” My desires for the sacred satin coat lead me to envy others in their bright Red Bull’s or Blue Cubs jacket. Envy roared like waves on an ocean stirred by a storm.

Envy is formed by letting what someone else has become a defined desire that you believe you deserve. Unfounded “I deserves” lead to creating shortcuts to get what it is you desire and what you believe is yours. Envy of someone else led to the unsolved mystery of an off-brand Starter jacket.

Like most trends, times changed. Z. Cavaricci is hard to find, if in business at all. Starter moved from the sidelines of NFL and dugouts of MLB to the clearance rack at Wal-Mart. The very things that were my deep desires changed. Desires are not a bad thing, if those desires are founded on what God has placed in your heart.

I have often despised the verse listed at the header of this blog. It leads to immature questions like “God how come I never got my Z. Cavaricci jeans?” That is a desire, yet a somewhat silly request of the Lord. God-size desires are built around him getting the glory. God-size desires are bigger than our capacity to accomplish them. God-size desires are no self-serving wants of the trapping of life.

This is why the psalm writer challenges us to first trust in the Lord. If the dream or desire was something we could achieve in our own efforts, there would be no need for us to trust in the Lord. We would simply need to trust in ourselves, in our own abilities, our own efforts. God shifts our desires. Sure, I might like to own a throwback 90’s Starter jacket, but God has placed bigger desires in my heart. It is a trust in his capacity to amplify our capability to deliver desires that lie deep inside of us.

Honest confession: I have wrestled desires like planting a church. Desires to start a young adult conference bent toward discipleship and growing gifts. I have desires to see lost people come to Jesus. I have desires to see a generation love Jesus, his Word, and being full of his Spirits. Those are a long way from Z. Cavaricci and Starter. Those wants were never his promises. The God-given desires are desires I need to trust God to perform.

All his promises to us are yes and amen. The great struggle of God-given desires attached to God’s promises is that they do not come with expiration dates. So as David wrote to the readers of Psalm 37:

Be still, wait patiently.
Wait confidently.

All is his promises are still yes and amen.

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