My oldest son Andrew and I would have these little conversations when he was younger. As a child, he had a tendency to say the word “can’t” often as it related to homework, sports, or any activity that was challenging. “Dad, I can’t” would come out of his mouth. As a dad who loves words, I spun his can’t into a quippy little phrase that I thought would help.
I would look at him with love and say “Drew, can’t is a lack of trying”. Later on I realized how this phrase could backfire on me in the teenage years when I would tell him what he couldn’t do, but for the sake of this story, let’s keep Andrew at about eight years old. (He is now 20).
I am not sure my dad psychology was fully correct, but nonetheless, we would get into this banter where he would get discouraged, frustrated, overwhelmed by the challenge of band, school, or sports, and I would ask “what is can’t?” He would sheepishly respond, “can’t is a lack of trying.”
My approach may not have been flawless. My off -the-cuff creating of the dad quip may have not been the correct move. But the lesson behind it is true. There are times we have to face hard things and quitting is not an option. There are times and moments where we hit the place of thinking we “can’t do it” and simply quit doing it. Take it from me, a professional quitter, that is not the best option.
What I was trying to install in my oldest son is that when life gets hard, when a challenge shows up, we cannot just surrender to the “can’t” of our emotions. The lessons were not just about learning to hit a curveball or play a piece of music on the marimba. The life lesson that I was teaching Andrew and constantly reminding myself was even though it is hard, we have to push past the challenge.
What I have learned is that there is often a greater sense of joy, fulfillment, reward just on the other side of what seemed so hard. Maybe all the “can’ts” we face are not for a lack of trying. My son Andrew only stands about 5’7″. He was probably never headed for the NBA. I realize there are just some obstacles that are brick walls in our paths. Yet, I also believe there are some walls that just need to be scaled and climbed over to find the reward on the other side. Not every obstacles is impassable, some of them just require a little more effort.
I think our faith gets filled with can’ts too. Our walk with Jesus is full of challenges. It comes with the Lord asking very difficult things of us. In fact, my least favorite promise of Jesus is found in the gospel of John where he says “in this world you will have trouble.” Guaranteed. Gonna happen. No questions asked. Trouble will find you. Jesus finishes that statement with these words “but I have overcome the world.” Let me reframe this as I would to my son. Just cause its hard, doesn’t mean we should quit. In fact, we have help to overcome.
Don’t quit. Do not let the can’t win. Keep trying. Keep pressing. Be persistent.
Because sometimes our can’t simply comes down to a lack of trying.
