The trouble is not dying for a friend, but in finding a friend worth dying for.
Mark Twain
I was once told by a pastor that it was hard to lead and have friends. It was percieved as a badge of honor to climb the ministerial ladder of success and found yourself at the top alone. That seems almost in paradox to who Jesus was. While Jesus walked this earth, leading, healing, teaching, and ultimately dying for the sins of humanity, he invited others into his space.
In reflection, not everyone got the same backstage pass. There were moments the twelve and the crowd were given access. There were other moments the twelve and those that traveled with him got a more intimate view into who Christ was in the green room. There were even other moments where Peter, James, and John were given glimpses into the fullness of his glory as they toured for three years.
The very few times we see Jesus retreat to be alone was to be with his Father. The retreat to prayer always seemed to be as a place of refueling and refreshing for the work ahead.
What I am driving it is that Jesus as a leader, was on another level. Jesus as the divine man was on level with those around him. We see Jesus celebrating a wedding, dining with friends, and making connections with people from all walks of life. He was a man of the marketplace more than the ministry in the synagogue. He was available, accessible, and open. A man without a home always seemed to be inviting himself to sit at the table of someone else’s. Often the table of someone the religious snubbed their noses at.
13 Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. 14 You are my friends if you do what I command. 15 I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.
John 15:13-15
In the famed moment, Jesus says “there is no greater love than this, than to lay down his life for his friends. Tonight, I call you friends.” Jesus looked at those with him and calls them friends. In this moment we see the humanity of the man Jesus. These men and women who had walked with him across the Jewish countryside through the cities for the last three years, sleeping in fields and borrowed beds had become the closest people on the earth to the Messiah.
Those of us who lead, we need the Peter, James, and Johns of life. We need a Mary Magedalene to walk with us. We need people where we can sit in our most vulnerable moments and trust that they are still with us. I need that.
Leadership does not have to be lonely.
On the other side of the coin is the caution of who you select to let into those spaces. Not everyone should be invited into every room. From the gospels you see the crowd, the twelve, and the three. At times, you just see Peter. Other times, John calls himself the “disciple Jesus loved”. The crowd was not invited into every life moment. The twelve, while in most, was whittled down to three in certain circumstances. Occasionally, there is just the one on one, deep life restoring conversations with a friend that need to take place.
So use caution on who you let in where, but let people in. Leadership is hard. Carrying the weight of ministry is heavy. It is impossible to do alone. Find some friends. Do not live lonely. If as a leader you are battling loneliness:
- Find some faithful friends to rely on. This can often be in peers who are doing ministry. Other ministers in the community or ministers from your tribe in a nearby community.
- Seek wise counsel or seek counseling. There is no shame in asking for help.
- Tell someone you are lonely. Hidden loneliness is the most dangerous.
Ministry is hard enough, do not walk through it alone.
Jeff
