Tag: church hurt

“I was born in the shadows of preachers and saints
I was raised in a house of God
But the blood on my lips and the dirt on my face
Is all the religion I’ve got
Is all the religion I’ve got”

Religion, Wilder Woods (aka Bear Reinhardt)

I was eleven years old in the small little church my grandfather had built with his own hands and heart. In what I only remember being as a response to shouting and not the Spirit, I walked the short aisle forward for prayer.

It was a Sunday night revival service with a man I thought I trusted. The guest speaker had been a key leader at summer camp just months before. In the week spent splashing in the pool and talking over sloppy joes I thought this man was for us kids. As was the tradition in the Pentecostal setting I grew up in, you came forward for prayer. The pastor/preacher, operating as the mediator between man and God would place a heavy hand on your forward and begin to pray for you. That night as I came forward this pastor put his hand in front of my mouth palm up. There were a lot of things that people would deem unusual in my days growing up in church, this one was new to me.

However, he urged me again with a slight hand motion under my chin. Still quite confused as he had to now notice in my eyes, he leans in and whispers “spit your gum out.” So as the compliant kid I was, I spit my chewed up cinnamon Trident into his hand. That is when he said something I will never forget: “Son” he cautioned me, “you nearly caused the Spirit of God to quit moving.”

My young faith was crushed as he laid his hands on me to attempt to draw some anticipated response he had to his perceived connection to God. I just stood there shook not by the Spirit, but by someone I trusted laying the responsibility on an 11 year old boy as to whether God would keep moving or not based on my chewing gum in church.

Ignorance is often the case when people in power misuse their platform to communicate something that is not really what God is about. In the years since that Sunday night, I have learned God is not boxed in by my breathe improving mechanisms. He is much bigger than a stick of chewed up Trident.

I tell this story to say, church hurt happens and it is real.
Story after story has filled my inbox in the past few months of young adults and former students who have legitimate hurt from the people of God and more often than not people in power. I will never attest to the hurt a representative of Jesus being the best reason to leave Christ behind, what I can sit with is that those who have been hurt have real hurts. Wounds that have left big questions not just of body of Christ, but of Christ himself.

In as much as we have a responsibility to love the hurting and broken far from God, we have just as much to love the hurting that have come at the hands for those under the umbrella of church. Church is real, very real. So how do we love the one’s we as the body have wounded?

Listen and listen well.

Hurt always has a story to tell. Those that are willing to tell it are brave. As those attempting to love the hurting, our job is to give space and place for them to share their story without fear of being judged or condemned. The very beginning point for the healing of hurt is simply being able to share the event or events without fear a shame or blame being placed on that person.

Stay present.

No matter the story, no matter the situation, remain present with that person. Remain in relationship. Represent Jesus as his hands and feet and his hugs. Church hurt has come out of someone’s misrepresentation of Jesus is. To help someone overcome that hurt requires becoming a proper representation of what the love of Jesus really looks like.

Encourage forgiveness and reconciliation where possible.

This step is quite possibly the greatest challenge. Often, reconciliation is not possible. In my story, I do not even remember the name of the preacher. Forgiveness is not about letting the other person off without consequences.

Offering forgiveness is not weakness. No, forgiveness is no longer feeling as the offended party you are owed something by the one who offended you. Forgiveness is not about the other person apologizing for their actions. Forgiveness is the offended party releasing the other person from a debt that is owed due to the other persons actions.

Forgiveness is freeing.

Become their church.

The Greek word used translated into church is ecclesia. The literal translation is gathering. I am not advocating for a leaving the assembling of the local church body. I believe the local is still the vehicle Jesus chose to change the world. Yet, often those with hurt will leave the local gathering, the very thing they need. Become their ecclesia. Become their gathering place. Sit with them, pray for them and with them. Encourage them, gather together. Become their church, become their safe space and place. Recreate trust in those that have been hurt by taking on the role of Jesus in their life.

She is a bruised bride filled with well meaning people. They are just that people. Unfortunately, the leaders are often the lens in which God is seen through. When these men and women of God dawn robes of self righteousness over that towel of a servant, verbally punching the sons and daughters searching for truth, they often unknowingly cast us out. Hurt is real. Hurt hurts.

As the body, we have a responsibility to help the hurting, even the ones wounded by the ones we call brothers and sisters.