If I could write a letter to me
And send it back in time to myself at seventeen
Brad Paisley, Letter to Me
Recently, I celebrated the 25th anniversary of my 17th birthday. On this silver anniversary, I thought I share five nuggets of gold I wished I had learned earlier in life. To borrow some creative license from Brad Paisley, this is letter to me, because at 17, I knew it all, if it was to be known, I knew it. Yet, know 25 years in the rearview window of life, I start to see things I did not know.
So while 42 year old me sips black coffee slow and 17 year old me sucks down a Mountain Dew, these are the words I would travel back in time to say:
1) It is not your fault, but it is your responsibility.
You are going to look for love in lots of places, lots of faces. Each will leave you empty, longing, still wondering and wandering. It is not your fault, but it is your responsibility. Life has left you with a self-protection mechanism to detach at a moment’s notice. As soon as you lose that loving feeling, you hit the road in search of the emotions you cannot seem to really feel. Life and its circumstances have taught you how to run.
It is not your fault.
However, it is your responsibility. It is your responsibility to not just run from the pain, but to feel it. In learning to feel the pain, you open your heart to feel joy, love, and peace. These are the emotions you truly long for. Take responsibility not just to search for love, but to learn to love. When you do, it will open a whole new world of colors to your imagination.
2) You are enough.
By now, you are probably shaking your head at me, but this is a truth you need to learn. Playing a lot of roles like the good kid, the smart kid, the new kid, the romantic boyfriend, the good son (or at least better than Craig) has faired you well so far. Yet, the greatest role you can play is you. I know you won’t believe me but people really like you. Not a version of you or type of you. No, they really like you. Who you are is enough, just be you – be the funny, baseball loving, music listening, bowl/surfer haircut version of you. They will like you. If they don’t, that becomes their loss, not yours.
Who you are is enough, shame has tried to tell you otherwise. Honestly, who you are simply as you is enough for your friends, enough for your parents, enough for your brother. You do not have to be anyone else to impress them and make them love you. In fact, love that has to be earned or strived for is not love at all. If they love you, they will love you for you.
3) Dream and dream big.
Jeff, you are a dreamer. So do not be afraid of the dreams. You will want to settle short of them. Fear will whisper little lies that will create big doubts, but they are just that – lies. Dream, dream bigger, then chase them. If not, you will miss some of the great moments of life. Life lived is not played safe on the sidelines. Fear will steal some moments from you. You will eventually learn to fight all the fears.
You will fight the tension fear and dreams until you learn two words – “why not”. Live a “why not” life that will allow you to bravely take chances.
4) You can’t take care of all of them and still take care of you.
God wired you up as a helper, a care-giver. There is one problem, you will default to caring for everyone else before you care for yourself. Love others, the Bible is clear on that. Yet, do not forget to love yourself, care for yourself and once in awhile do something just for you.
You will fight the feelings of selfishness. It is not selfish to have needs, wants and desires. In fact, it is healthy to say them and share them. It is healthy to ask for help and allow others to help you. Do more of that.
5) Don’t buy another VW Beetle.
One final piece of wisdom, do not buy any more Volkswagen Beetles. A dropped engine and a car fire is enough for the both of our lives.
Oh by the way, you have a beautiful life with an awesome wife and five kids. The road here was not easy, but you are really proud of the man you have become and that may be one of the most important things you find in life.
See you in the future.
42 year old you.
P.S. your prayers get answered on November 2, 2016. You will see what I mean.
