I was 18 years old and one year removed from high school. My 40 hour a week job was supplying more than enough money for my late teenage lifestyle, but I knew that printing t-shirts would not be a lifelong endeavor. So I began the process of applying for colleges.
Coupled with my landline phone and the US News and World Report list I began calling to request applications. NIU, ISU, WIU, and all the U’s and I’s out there, including the University of Illinois. I submitted applications to ISU, NIU, and SIU. I completely filled out the application to University of Illinois and it sat with the self-addressed envelope sent with it. I never mailed it in. Let me tell you why, FEAR.
The UofI had a minimum acceptance ACT acceptance score of 24. My ACT score was 24. The UofI required a top 25% of your class graduation rate. I achieved that. Yet, even with all those things in my favor, the fear of rejection loomed large enough that I was unwilling to part with the $25 application fee and a 30 cent stamp. I feared they would not want me. So I put all my Fighting Illini dreams on hold because I was too afraid to take the risk.
Little in life is a sure thing. Most things we do require some courage and faith. Courage and fear sit in opposition of one another. Fear is often the loudest voice, but is not always the voice that is most accurate. Fear both screams and whispers into our ear and souls to keep us from taking chances, chasing dreams, and obeying God. This little story is a snapshot of most of my life. Taking a sure thing, the small bet, the safe route. Limiting risk and reward in life. Yet, God calls us out of our comfort onto the space of faith where so much is unknown, risks must be taken, and trust in him is required. I may never know if I was meant to wear Orange and Blue, but I know I will no longer dress myself in fear.
