5.31.1977… I don’t remember much about that day, but I am guessing you do. But that day is a day of infamy in my life. It was the day of my birth. It was the moment marked in time where I breathed that first breath of earth’s air, screamed my first scream, felt my senses take in the world around me. While I knew nothing of what my life would consist of, you already knew every day. You knew the number of hairs on my head that day and this day and you will know that number 1000 days from now. You knew how the sun would bleach my hair blond as a kid playing in the yard and how life would color that same hair white with wisdom. You knew me then. You know me now.
You saw me 10 years old riding bikes. You saw me at 20 driving interstates. You see me as today life counts 47 years still trying to figure things out.
You saw me in the depths of despair. You’ve walked with me on mountain tops. You have seen me turn tassels, turn pages, and turn around to find you waiting right there in moments where I had turned away. You watched me walk away from you and walk with you. In the 17,155 days give or take a couple leap years, you have never left me even when I wasn’t sure you were there. You’ve watched a baby become a boy, a boy become a teenager, a teenager strive to become a man. Hopefully a man you are proud of. Hopefully a man you love calling your son.
Son, the role I have starred in these 47 years. On the screen of my life, I have played both the good son and the prodigal. I have been the faithful staying kind and the rebellious spirited one. I have both stayed close and ran far. While I have struggled to know what it means to be a son, all along you have stayed a faithful Father. When I have exploded like Memorial Day fireworks, you have been unshakable and unmoveable. When I cursed you for things I thought I wanted, you loved me anyways and in return gave me what I needed. In moments I screamed into the abyss of hurt and despair asking where you were, you were never further than the whisper of your name. In fact, you were as close as the heart that beats in my chest pumping life into me these 47 years.
So as the calendar closes this month and will turn to a new month and my revolution around the sun starts again, I am comforted that all along you have known me and you have loved me. You have loved the staying son and run away foolish one. You have loved the baby in the bassinet and the man just trying to figure out each day. You have loved through every season and situation. Your love has remained. I guess that is what it means to be a Father.
Maybe I will get 17,155 more days. I am uncertain how many days I will get left, you just tell us you know the number. So today, I want to live, not just let life happen. May the moments ahead be filled more with days I am proud of and a few less moments I regret. May I drink in the sunsets and delight when it rises again and see you in both. May I run hard and rest easy. And may I finally know what it is like to see you as Father.
Signed,
Your son.
